i’ve been on the road so long, my friend

it was really awesome to have dad visit

i miss athens

i’m finally feeling good about research, need to use the feeling as fuel

can’t decide what to do this summer

i have a problem with this, which is that i censor myself because it’s on the internet (re: names, details, makes it really hard to recount experiences, and a huge part of the reason for doing this would be to save the memories, who needs vagueness to reinforce memories which are vague to begin with? i guess the other reason would be to keep my loved one’s informed..but it’s still the internet! there you have it, the dilemma) for instance i wrote an epic about trip to france, and then decided i was writing it too much for ‘the internet’ and switched over to a journal, but i’m cool with that. so people know, it was wonderful! beautiful weather and a chance to enjoy it by the rhone, fun time with friends at Pierre’s house in the country, learning to drive stick, nice meal with A’s aunt and uncle, and for the finale a perfect weekend in Montelimar, parce que moi, j’adore Montelimar. as usual, amazing souvenirs.

i don’t have a camera, i see the world with my eyes, and i am trying to be liberated in this

i am trying to eat better and exercise

A is coming in a little over a week!

i’m excited to go out on the new boat this summer. i’m excited to wrap myself up in france again and then discover morocco. unbelievably excited!

i’m *GASP* excited for school this fall… football, concerts, 3 days of class, longer weekend than school week (moneeyy!), traveling, being a good sister/daughter/friend/person, cheap delicious food, mexican, jimmy johns, my bike, new friends and experiences

i can’t wait to get out to Seattle

i can’t wait to show A america…Christmas in dixie, possibly, and a cross country road trip are in the works (which I’ve never done!) I’d love to see the west again, like packing the family up in the motorhome, what great memories i have from those trips. The West has so much beauty and so many wonders that it’s moving, makes you believe.

i sometimes forget how much good music can turn things around. french 70s pop rock, some new folk, some simon and garfunkel…keep the ship afloat.

speaking of the ship, i haven’t seen the barleycorn, and i’d really like to. i want to learn to sail.

dear mama, you are appreciated.

I’m here in Oxford now.  In my quaint little attic.  With my pictures of friends and family adorning the walls. With my dream job and the perfect amount of time for reflection and immersion into the kind of research that customarily really gets me interested. Now here is where the but should be…but there really is no but and I guess that’s my but.  Life really is wonderful in that I have this opportunity, these few months with which to invest in myself and my passions and to be open to exciting experiences and learning.

If I had to find a but. But I miss my family like crazy. True, even if I were in the states I probably wouldn’t be able to see everyone a ton, and I’m lucky to be able to see the family when they’re able to come over more easily than most, and lucky for Skype. I miss France and tous ce que ca inclut. La colloc, les amis, la langue…c’etait vraiment une periode speciale dans ma vie, entourees d’amis comme ca tout le temps, les amis sinceres, droles, compatibles. On avait de la chance, et oui, on a de la chance parce qu’on restera amis pour longtemps.  I really miss my best friends in the states too…sisters and those others so close to my heart. I really think about my family and friends all the time, good memories, funny stories, and I try to send them good vibes in their current pursuits.  Oh yeah, and still missing white mexican cheese dip and jimmy johns vegetarian.

I do see the silver lining surrounding all that.  The silver lining is the here and the now.  The snow falling outside where I live.  It’s snowing where I live.  I live here.  I live!

Plans for the future: Going to see Sanyu in town from London this weekend, perhaps going to see Katia&friends in Newcastle the weekend of the 13th, planning a trip to France around the beginning of March, seeing about getting UGA approval for research and internship so I can stay here until the big Research Forum I’m planning in May, thinking about trying to come home for Easter if I’m all caught up on work and flights are good…

Love and prayers, to you, from me, out into the world.

Christmas in Dixie

So begins the holiday season…around the Thanksgiving table, with improvised turkey, Indian and pilgrim hats, a family of friends, and Christmas music.  I had my cousin smuggle in the cream of mushroom soup and the fried onions from America, here to my new and soon to be former home: Lyon, France.  My french roommates (collocs) experienced their first Thanksgiving in living color, complete with tunes from a Charlie Brown Christmas and a “benefication”/prayer telling God all of the things we are thankful for.  It’s really too much to list, but I gave it a shot and they got their laïque kicks, and who knows, maybe felt the rush of it all–the holiday, the love, the thought of celebrating all for which we have to be thankful.  The event was also enriched by the presence of my cousin visiting from Connecticut, another American to give legitimacy to all of the little bizarre traditions we never think twice about until we see it from the perspective from an outsider.  Not to mention bringing the love and understanding of real family to the tumultuous and beautiful life I’ve found here.

As the calendar changes to December I can see the pinprick light at the end of the tunnel, my time here ticking and flying and slipping through my hands.  Profiter, I’ll try.  My desires exist in extremes.  I have the extreme longing to be with my sisters and my parents, to see tacky Christmas lights, to go to Wal-mart in the middle of the night, to eat a Jimmy Johns Vegetarian, to eat Mexican cheese dip and chips, but mostly just to be with my family.  At the same time I know the moment all of those things happen that means my time living here –ultimate freedom, relaxation, pure friendships, surrounded by beauty and history, rock and roll, living the dream– is over.  Sure I can come back–but to live with three like I do now, to have such a light load and such a heavy peace, it isn’t the kind of thing that happens everyday.  So I have an extreme longing for America, and an extreme dread, because it means this is over.  I guess every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. The magic going on here is sure to be a part of me as I go forward into the future.  I guess my sincerest hope would be that in addition to having changed me as a person, the magic going on here continues to be alive.  Living here has given me the opportunity to appreciate beauty, to work on myself, to finally live a little bit of what I believe (re: philosophies, who I want to be/see myself being when I look into my crystal ball, etc.).

So in the meantime, I’ll study the French Constitution, profiter, and turn up the Christmas music.  My heart will be on both sides of the ocean, and perhaps later in life scattered in pieces across the globe, but Christmas, without a doubt, will be in Dixie.